icecreamgal

One short weekend, but seems so long and happening.
I would never complain that a weekend is too long, except for one with a mixture of good news and bad....
Thank you for your patience as this will be a long (& overdued) entry.

On Friday (21/10/11), I borrowed a suitcase from MIL and brought it over to 648 to pack my barangs for the flea market. I also grabbed scissors, markers and a roll of tape. MIL had some black hangers which she dun use, so i grabbed them as well. We decide to sleep over at 648.
Faith still requires some time to get used to the new place. Esp on her new bed. Although she still sleeps with us, Julian had purposely set up her cot very low so that she can climb out by herself. While i put Faith to sleep, Julian wanted to play games in the living room, but apparently his PS3 was giving him a lot of trouble, just because he had forgotten his password.
The next day, i woke up quite recharged that I did not feel like sleeping in. So off we went back to 641, asked MIL not to buy our breakfast, bathed and dressed up Faith and left for Parkway - Julian had some work to do at his office. I bought Faith to have brekkie at McD first. It was my first time with her alone, but i thank God she was well behaved, except for her few outbrust of wanting to get out of her baby chair to go to the playground behind her. The iphone was used to 'keep her seated'. I bought a hotcake meal and she went crazy over the hashbrown. Cut up some pieces for her to eat with her hands.
Julian joined us and he bought another meal, this time Faith took the hashbrown by herself with the paper wrapper and savoured it, even though the wrapper was still hot/warm. The joy of seeing her enjoying her hashbrown was priceless and we even comforted ourselves that an occassional McD brekkie wouldnt do her too much harm. =)
But at the back of my mind I was cursing McD - cursing at how well their adverts/commerscials and advances works so well esp for the young. Even i am a victim. As parents we all know how unhealthy McD food is. Remember how our parents would say no always to McD when we wanted them and only reserved eating at McD for certain occassions? This definitely is a psycological effect because once we are able to have it, we savour it much because it was a rare chance. Of course as adults now, we can choose other healthier fast food choices. But for the time being as parents, the "McD power struggle" has just begun and will be there for, i think... next umpteen years.
Then we went back home to drop Faith off for her nap and Julian sent me, with my suitcase and 2 bags to Orchard Scape. It was raining quite heavily. But thank God the rain was manageable when i reached the place. I stowed the luggage and saw quite many empty flea stalls and set up ones along the way - some were wet and there was no shelter. I was hoping our stalls weren't outdoor. I was looking for the Scape Art & Market Street to do my registeration. As i walked to the front of Toastbox, i saw a basement also with flea stalls. Carried my suitcase and bags down and registered. Then was asked to pick a stall of my choice.
I must have given her a look of surprise and mixed reaction - because i was feeling happy that the stalls were not pre-allocated, but at the same time I was stressed that the responsibility to find a good location for the stall have landed on my lap! Arh... Location is very important! So i put down my barang with the organiser and took a walk around the whole compound. There was an empty stall in between two other stalls which have been set up and I decided the location was by far the most pleasant to me, for there was a fan nearby and it was visible at the entrance to the basement. So i took my barangs there and took my seat.

Sis arrived with Kerk and they set up the clothes rack while i took out all my barangs to display on the table top. I felt excited about all our talk of setting up a flea stall finally really happening! We could barely finished piling up our clothes when customers came. I think it was because we were selling our 'rags' at such a good price: 5 PIECES for $2.
Not forgetting the moment of panic, when sis realised she had left her plastic bags in Kerk's car!
Frenzy looking for plastic bags! Haha...
Dun ask me how we came up with such a wierd pricing. There wasn't any logic. Many of mine were old clothes, mind you. I haven wore some for a few years even! So to be able to let go of my clothing on this day, i would be very happy so i wasnt very concern if we were silly/ crazy/ illogical to some, that our pricing was to cheap. Mostly were philippino ladies. They were happy to take our clothes, so we were also very happy selling to them. The important objective was: We cannot bear to throw these clothes away. So we are selling them. The Pinoys paid a small price and our clothes gets a 2nd lease of life! So, deal done!
I find it so very meaningful. More happy then throwing them at the Salvation Army and giving to the garang guni man, who might just re-sell to another buyer!
We initially found that we did not have enough clothes hanger to hang up all our dresses.
But soon, we found many empty hangers available as customers came to grab those dresses we have to offer at $5! Compared to the stalls on our left and right, their prices were $10 and $12-$15 respectively.
So you can imagine how black their faces were for the whole time...
"I felt sorry to spoil their mood but our objectives were different." i thought inside my heart.

Looking back, we really have to thank God for His providence. I want to summary it as: To man, it is impossible. But with God, it is possible! Later on, i realised my mum had prayed for this flea stall before we begun this business. And as we count our earnings at 7pm, I really dunno where the money came about. Did we really made so much sales? and How?  Maybe i was having low expectations, as long as we were able to cover the rental of the stall. But who provided us with the profit of 70 bucks? It was definitely GOD!
And i thank God for sending us all the customers, esp the lady who bought 6 bags of clothes from us. Thank God for Elsie who bought 2 of our dresses, my aunt Cynthia, who bought a helium balloon for Faith and mum (who helped me "jagar" Faith), thank God for the clothes rack and the location for our stall!
The profit went back as tithes back to God. GLORY BE TO OUR GOD.
At least now i am more willing to send the rest of my un-sold clothes to the karang guni man. I have did my part to help my clothes, which i treasured so much.....and had many long memories of them.

For dinner, Julian was treating LA gang at an industrial area in Toa Payoh. I guess i was either too tired or too busy with Faith that I did not take note of the name of the place, or taken any pictures of our food. Julian over-ordered, but it was because he thought that Wenlong's brother and family, would stay longer for dinner. It was nice to see Tela again, last seen her on her 1st month and her growing up process via fb as Don would post daily pic of him and Tela. SiChay was there first, then Don's family and then Tiang and we were all seated and waiting for Wenlong and his girlfriend to arrive. Yes, it was confirmed that he was not playing punk when he updated his relationship status few weeks back. He was in a relationship with a girl by the name of Kris See. (They joked that they hit off well because both of them had C-cup chest!) Doh!
Tela was a quiet girl, she is not as talkative as Faith or as expressive. She is like a loner, just played with the plastic utensils, she did not mess up the table or throw the chopsticks on the floor. She played with pieces of bread, transferring them into a bowl. But when she was got out of hand for a minute, her mother shouted at her immediately with the content of "don't embarass us in public" (in chinese).
Don's wife is rather a dominating figure, and we were supposed to know that so none of us reacted any differently but we kept our comments to ourselves. Overall, Jul and I felt she did not have to be so harsh on Tela, fearing that this upbringing may cause Tela to be autistic/loner. Ask the husband - Don. I feel he had pampered his wife and could accept her "commanding tones/character" - which made me want to applaud him - for not being an MCP, although he looked like one! Even Wenlong was not spared from her nagging. She asked him "not to talk rot and take food for his gf". We laughed it off, of course! To each, her own. Just treat as a reference.
Our Ah Faith was kept entertained by Youtube from iphone while she finished her already-turned-soupy dinner and occassion munches of food that we were having. At different times, we gave in to her request to bring her to see the fishes in a pool within the kopitiam premises. But she would go back to her baby seat when required.
Tiang kept singing praises of our princess, and he was very happy to know we are expecting our 2nd one too. I see him so happy, i felt happy too. Haha.

Forgot to mention that Don's wife was expecting as well and we would be about one month apart. Her baby would be due first. And apparently their gynae was quite sure they were going to have a boy.
I no longer am feeling so low! Hooray! I am glad I was able to start to share with more ppl that I am pregnant and expecting again. And everytime i had to describe how different a 2nd pregnancy was to me, i would use the 'rocket' analogy which i shared in my previous blog. Hee....
On Friday i was 'caught off guard" by Pris Teoh who saw my baby bump. So the cat was out of the sack finally, but earlier than i had expected. But i felt very bad for Lydia, the new account manager who looked after my account who had to suddenly be around to cover duty for both Yvonne and myself. Yvonne was another Account Manager who would be going for her Maternity Leave in Feb - June. Whereas for me, mine would start in April - August. So next year will be a stressful year for Lydia........  =(
I can only stay as apologetic as i could because there was nothing I could do.
Everyone has got their lives and plans to lead, besides working.
It was quite late when we got home. Faith was tired out that we even could put on long pants on her without waking her up.

On Sunday (23/10/11), it was going-to-church day. Jul sent us there and he had wanted to wait for our service to end and send us home. But alas! My blunder of leaving Faith's water bottle at home caused change to the plan. Jul went home to rest and would drop by my mum's house later, with Faith's water bottle.  
Faith did not nap and thus my mum came and took over - she brought her to the cafe to feed her lunch.
During service, we sang a worship song that describe the uncertainty on earth as we human faces, but God knows us and he knows our difficulties. And God will never give us up. I find it so apt, as i thought about the many tragedies and sadness happening in and around our lives recently and much of those we cannot comprehend. But as long as we put our faith in God, we know we are safe, for HE will lead us and help us, as long as we trust in HIM. 
The guest pastor also shared about this testimonies before he came to accept Christ in his life. He described Christianity that we are always "experiencing" God and God's work in our lives. It is the only 'religion' where God draws to His People, not waiting for people to find him for worship. God was present and i feel so blessed that each service, we are always able to have God in our midst - to administer to the needy, strengthen the weak. I had many burdens in my heart as I gave thanks to God, I thank God that He was so near and we could just reach out and pass him our burdens/ worries/ questions and uncertainty. The assurance and joy and peace in return was surpassing. =)

Then mum n me went home by cab. While i went home to make Faith take her ovedued nap, mum went to dabao lunch. I ordered fish & chip from the western stall. Surprisingly, it was better than expected. Over lunch we chit chat until i forget to take my own nap. Then Faith woke up and Julian also came over. Soat ard 4.30 i took my nap until 6pm. By then, dad have returned home and was going to take Faith to the playground. We were going to Marina barrage for dinner tonight since mum have not been there before. Mum wanted to give julian a dinner treat for his birthday next week. But i know Julian will not have it. Dinner was only okay-okay. The chicken at the 7th Storey restaurant was still good but the steamboat's standard have dropped.
Ok, so one less reason for us to go into Marina Barrage...Unless for the new ride there.
I am referring to the Go-Go Scooter rides at Marina Barrage. It has a scooter handle with 4 wheels, thus making it a stable steady vehicle for visitors to use to roam the place. The rental shop can be found at the first level. We did not try taking the scooter up to the 2nd level that night.
Go-go scooter comes in two sizes. There is a kids size and i saw children ard 7-8 yrs old able to operate on their own. Dad rented an adult sized and Faith sat on our laps/ inbetween our legs as we took turns to take her for a ride around the first level at Marina barrage. Julian even drove her to the bridge of the dam. Due to the 4 wheels, it was stable even though without any seat belts. If I am not wrong, the rental of the scooter was SGD10 for 30 mins.  It is single operator scooter.
By then it was too late for us to go up to the 2nd level, though I did wish to bring Faith up there to be closer to the kites. Perhaps another windy daytime would be better  =)

That was the close to our weekend. But deep in my hearts, we were heavy-hearted with depressing news around us.

One for me, was to know that a close friend's mum was to receive chemotheraphy for her spreading cancer. The last i heard was that the cancer cells are spreading to the lungs and the dreaded stage 4 was pronouced.
Sometimes the fact of life can really get us down. The truth hurts the most and we want to deny them.
But we all know, the way of life is to face these difficulties and to battle them down.
As like the many testimonies of cancer patients i have read before, they won because they did not give up trying. They deserve our respect. It hurts me because my heart goes all out to this auntie, whom i had met and chatted before. Have activated my mum and James and their cell group to pray for her. And im constantly praying for her salvation. Not only for her to know the Lord, Our Creater and Saviour. But i also look forward to Lord Jesus bringing her spiritual deliverance, experiencing a new meaning of Christ in her life. I also keep my sister in prayers. It is even more important now that she keeps close to the Lord - to draw strength, joy, peace and truths from HIM who loved us all that He died on the cross for us all - His blood for our blood. He died so that 'whoever believes in HIM will have eternal life."
Jesus was not defeated by death, because 3 days later, he rose again. This signifies that HE is alive today, hearing our prayers and most importantly, it meant that HE has defeated death!!
We have sinned, since Adam and Eve. But through Jesus and ONLY through Jesus, we can be called Son and Daughters of God again! This is the God that i need, this is the GOD that i want to be with.
Sorry i have digressed, but I could finally put words to these knowledge that i had gathered from the sunday sermon that Pastor Song had shared. And these are very useful truths we should remember.
So back to my close sister, i have been encouraging her and "pushing" her back to God.
Pushing her for her good, so that she can also be blessed as i am and be able to draw strength (drink!) from God's everlasting stream.
So that she can be strong to be the prayer support, spiritually and physically for her mother. Jesus is just at her door and auntie just needs to have faith and accepts this living God!

Mum also delivered a bad news to me. My 舅姆 had suddenly lost conscience during her trip in Bangkok.
At time of this entry, she has passed away. We had to arrange emergency plane to send her from a hospital in Phuket to SGH last midnight. But her body was coping with a low blood pressure until 2.20pm today.
It was a very sudden thing to happen. It is a most unfortunate fact to accept - that a person was gone like that. To think that she could not even see her family for the last time before she left this world, no last words, no last wishes. How cruel. Many ppl would not understand why - not even me - as i asked God the same question.
We did not even had the chance to lay hands to pray for her......  =(
Only regret is that she had not choose to accept Christ when Mum spread the good news with her.
The last time we met was at Aunt Cynthia's birthday dinner at Raffles Hotel.
舅姆 leaves behind my 舅舅, her 5 children ( my cousins whom i grew up with) and 7 grandchildren.
On Tuesday night, Jul and I made way down to the wake after work.

But a soul lost without Christ is still a lost soul.
So rather than mourning and brooding into past, I  decided to put my focus and effort even more in saving "live" souls! They can hear, touch, feel GOD!
I felt more determined to help auntie know Jesus.
"What a mighty God we serve.. " I would sing. And i want to let her know this great, amazing, limitless God who have changed me, who have touched me, who have loved me, like no other gods!
Everyone deserve Jesus!
He did not just died for me, He died for all of us. That includes you, you and YOU!
So when i say, Jesus Loves you!
I meant it.
He really DO and I know very well.

Be blessed my dear readers and friends!

Thanks for reading and i shall update very soon! =)

Love, me.

icecreamgal

I was preparing for work this morning, put my phone to charge and at the same time open up facebook app to check out any updates i have might have missed. Besides reading that Sis wanted to find companion to drink with her tonight, i also saw that Eve had just updated a pic on the preparation of her wedding.
I thought to myself, "Oh, she is preparing for her wedding."
Wait! When is her wedding banquet again? I remembered our sms conversation and my RSVP.

After checking, Whoops! Its tomorrow!
Yes, exactly what i mentioned in my sms to her: " Although I  already have a wedding dinner that day but yours is wedding lunch, so i will be there."
Suddenly i was slapped with two wedding to attend tomorrow!
I immediately texted Julian to remind him, and of course he forgot about it as well.
Eve was our poly classmate and we are sure to see other NYP classmates as well. We will bring faith along.

By night, I will need to be at M Hotel to attend the wedding banquet of Minxian and her hubby. Minxian is my primary schoolmate. I thought little of that dinner because i thought i had a whole Saturday to prepare for it. Now i think i have limited time.
Most likely we need to be home by 4pm so can put Faith to nap cos she would have skipped her morning nap. Then, I hope mum and Jul can stay at home to help me with her while i go attend this dinner.
Will be meeting all the other JPS people, like Razean, Jiahui, Yonghui, Xiaoling. Much stress-less compared to the other one, i feel more at ease with these old pals.

I freaked out.  Damn! What do i have left to wear for wedding?
I only have left that swan lake tulle dress fit for a Fullerton event. The rest.. are all too informal, cannot fit me, makes me fat or they are black. I might need a red ribbon to tie around my waist to colour things up a bit.
Felt so unprepared.
So my mind raced through for a list of things i need to prepare by today so that I can be ready tomorrow morning to leave house with Julian, Faith plus her barangs and my bag - and still appear pretty and presentable for the wedding lunch banquet.
So during lunch, popped by That Purple Place and did my nails and feet. They are in hot pinks now..
And tonight i will try to see if I can get any dress from Raffles Exchange on my way home...
Cross my fingers!

Presentable is my main concern. For me, it is a form of respect back to the host who have invited me to that important occassion and event.
I am no longer "feeling" pretty.
And I have stopped feeling pretty ever since i removed my colours from my hair and started noticing the toil this pregnancy is leaving on my tired face.
Extra capilaries creeping on the cheeks and red marks.
I cannot leave without my bb cream. And i cannot help looking whitish - on days when i might have accidentally slapped on too much layer of the cream on some stubborn areas.  =(
Green veins growing on my chest and arms like the morning glories' vine on the fences.
bleh!

Maybe its my hair too, cos i have given up trying to straighten those curly ends in the morning and i just try to take them up as naturally as i can - but most of the time i find them messy.
But i cannot do anything at this point of time except to pray the hair grow faster.
With this mess, i am also stopping myself from "banging" my fringe for the time being. So just gotta live with my side fringe. (I have "supporters" for both types of fringe).
I will 'bang' them once my hair end is straightened! That will be neat.

So i wouldn't be surprised if i was bearing a boy. Becos' many believe that when the mother is bearing a son, her complexion would not be a good as another mother bearing a daughter.
For mothers bearing daughters - there will be the glow and they will continue to be pleasing to the eyes.
There was also saying that mothers who are bearing son will have bigger nose. I definitely do not know how this would come about - but i have a poly classmate who just gave birth to a son and she seemed to have a bigger nose then! =P
I can't help but believe this old tale/saying...
Becos i have been feeling lousy and have lost my confidences as well, since pregnancy.
Been just feeling 'monotonous'.
Its okay even if my speculation is wrong - a girl will be just right to take over all the old clothings that Faith have to pass down to her =) and Faith will have more pre-loved clothes from other people, so I will not need to fret on their attires.
If boy - I can take clothes from Weihan, just right for his boy to pass on his hand-me-downs.
Will be a bit troublesome cos I need to look at boys and girls' clothes next time when i spree online.
Anyway, leaving this to God.

This is also a difficult time because the baby bump is yet showing, but i know im losing my waist line and anything tighter will appear like I am fat. My bust are larger too. Its like not there yet but loking preggie. Haha!  I cannot wear those belts anymore as they restricts my waist/stomach - bad for digestion. I shall have to stop heels too...But will wear them one last time tomorrow for both events.

Today is the last day HQ have no "government". By next week, the conference people & the bosses will be back!! SO i did not feel like working today (since coming back from my nail session) and i think Cheris can feel it too. (But i can see her working hard at the volume reports)
I have informed her about my pregnancy, also added that she is the first to know.
Because she needs to know as she will be covering me when i am not around .Anyway, she have blocked some leaves after chinese new year period cos she is going back to home town. So i hope that rest would be enough. Otherwise she can go back to Penang again in early March.
My Edd would be in early April.

By next week, I guess i have to inform Andrew (my boss) so that he is prepared for my 4 months "disappearance" next year too. But i would prefer making the announcement over facebook after i know this baby's gender, then i will tell people that "We are giving Faith a little brother/sister next year!" Something liddat.
Short and sweet. And then i can answer any questions later.
So gotta wait till early November. Cos Ah Heng was quite sure she would be able to tell by next appointment! Haha.. Well. by then the baby will be 4 months old!

Ok, shall update again.. Happy weekend, peeps!
Have a great weekend ahead!

Love, me.

icecreamgal

I finally could put a word to describe this second pregnancy: Passive.

Before that, I was fiddling with many other words like:
Boring, Listless, Non-chanlant, heck care, gung-ho, unsure, Been there done that....

This time round, it is unlike the first pregnancy when we were anticipating good news as first time parents - learning that a new life was about to grow inside me, that we were about to go into a new phrase, that we were both going to be parents. So much learning to do, so much preparation to go through.
This time, i am just going with the flow. Just as long as baby is growing healthy, and for a smooth delivery on the D-day in April next year. I am not even sure if i want a boy or girl now, if you ask me.

Hey, Its a good news! Why so sian?
I would have no answer for that.
If you ask me right in the face, it would be even more pathetic.
Because i am quite sure a constipated look would be my reply.
I dun have the answers and i am trying to find out why too.....

I can only relate to this pregnancy as being unplanned thus mentally i was not prepared.
If you ask me to describe the difference in the journey:
First pregnancy is like taking a rocket to the moon.
Second pregnancy is like waiting for another rocket to join us at the moon.
Both are anticipation. But the "going there" and the "awaiting" feeling is different.
Haha.. not sure if you all can get it, but this is the best and as far as i can go with my limited english power. =P

The first and this pregnancy are so very different in my case.
This second pregnancy would bring about (somewhat) different new changes to our lives and not just to both of us, but this time, we need to fret for Faith as well.

So surely there are many concerns which as 2nd time parents we should take note.
Ideally, Faith should like to have a companion and she should welcome the baby.
But of course we need to take note and be observant to her behaviour etc when the new baby comes about.
The behavioural which we can see, and the psychologically area which we cannot see, but should know. And this is just one of it.
Ok, maybe i am over-worrying. But i do think these are the 'new skills' that we should need to keep our eyes open to as we step into the 2nd phrase of child-raising. This is definitely very new to me.
 
I do not know if it was a good or bad thing that it coincidences our moving into 648. But to see that our new nest is finally ready for moving in after 4 yrs of purchasing this flat - it is a good thing to me now.
Just that we have to bear the consequences & inconvenience of living by ourselves now.

Just to name one, we need to settle Faith into a new room, although she will still be sleeping with us.  But last Friday we saw she seems to have difficulties with settling into sleep. A lot more tries required.
Julian was concern that Faith will turn rebellious after the 2nd child comes about.
But i hope, ideally by then she would have her classes and new friends at the child care to keep her busy that she would not mind the attention shift.
But anyway, Julian decided that the new maid will sleep with the baby while Faith will continue to sleep with me.
I just agree on the note of closing the conversation with him, because it all depends on how ready Faith is at that time. So things may shift to the opposite where Faith CAN and is willing to sleep with maid while i can tend to the new born.

And to name somemore:
How to finally finish moving our endless number of stuffs over to our new house?
When will we finally be independent?
When we can finally settle in, when should we source for a new maid?
More changes to come when the maid joins us. Plus the many maid stories we have heard.
This is crazy.... i mean. Im just surprised I am going to be walking this path. This new path. (Ok, looks new to me!)

With many other things in my head, i found that i did not have time to 'talk' to baby, to be conscious of this new baby. Hmm.. maybe not yet cos im not showing yet!
Usually, i tend to forget im pregnant!
And this time, I find that it is not a special mission anymore, but a 'duty' to bear a 2nd and carry the baby till due.
I have to admit i am more gung-ho this time round because its a 'been there, done that" feeling.
I am not so careful anymore, like when i was with my first.
So, its more of a 'lets carry on with life' for me.
Oh, and I cannot bear to part with my heels. I would like to continue to wear them as long as i can!

So lets face it. 
It is the previlege of the first born to get all the attention in their parent's world because before her, there was no one. But for the 2nd born, the parents have to think of balance between two all the time... and parents are already occupied with the first child already before welcoming the sibling for the first born.
So for those with three - i salute them. I do not have such a courage to go to that extent.
Two will be fine for me...

I realised my mum is right. The longer we drag, the more unlikely we will want to have a 2nd baby.
Because this means going back to night feeds, holding a wailing infant, changing diapers every 3 hours.... This is what i meant by 'anticipating' the rocket coming to join us this time.. whether or not we are ready, it is coming for us. And we have to take up the role once again. To put it crudely, it is a disruption to our lives which we have slowly accustomed to. A routine of waking up to see Faith Faith in her cot, everyone goes to work, return home play with Faith and then all rest, to wake up to the same again.
But behold, a new addition is coming. This is what i mean.

So, its not that i do not welcome this baby. I believe my maternal instinct towards it will rise fully to the occassion next year. I remember feeling happy to meet the foetus during the Oscar scan whereby the nurse asked me to cough so that we can make the baby change position in order for her to get a better measurement. I did felt close to the baby when i could see her on the screen. Amazing feeling when the songrapher expand the image so close for me to see the growing baby moving inside me..

Im probably just worried (as any mummies would) for the life after this baby... as this is another new phrase for me - to have to learn to juggle two babies at the same time, and many other challenges to come.
So first time mums will ask themselves if they can b good mothers and cope with their (gift) baby, second time mummies will ask, if they can CONTINUE to be that good mummy and care for both.
So i do really need that extra help - an extra hands to help me carry on with my life as FTWM. Jul and I know we cannot do it by ourselves.
Not ready for the 2nd one, but when would one really be ready?
Maths tells us that the age gap between Faith and this baby is just right - 3 years.
So i have accepted the timing and shall go with the flow - taking one step at a time for now.

Maybe its due to my mood or the rainy gray weather - that this blog feels so gloomy too.
Maybe its because i am not a "take a step at a time' person at all, so this is a bit hard for me to swallow.
But dun worry, its not depression. I believe its just the hormones....and the mental initial preparation part as a 2nd time mummy. Hee..
I surely need a lot of faith and prayers! Thank you in advance!

On a brighter note, I do have my packets of joy here and there.
Sometimes at work, sometimes at home. Sometimes through food, sometimes through entertainment. 

Precious moments are times when Faith gives me her utmost cooperation.
For example: A quality bedtime storybook reading time, like last night.
Cooperation means she is not distracted. She wants to finish flipping the book. She seats quietly infront of you. She did not run away half way. She was naming the animals and making their sounds correctly!
Just makes my day - to see her enjoy the time, be able to smile at her as her smile meets mine.
Cooperation means, a non fidgety Faith when i try to brush her teeth last night, carrying her with one arms and brushing her teeth with the other infront of the toilet mirror. She allowed me to cover all her pearlies last night. Superb Faith!
But when Daddy is around, he will help to carry her.

It usually brings me to boil when i am met with her mischief or disobedience.
Because my logical mind cannot piece any reason why the same habitual activities that we are doing daily would generate a different kind of response from her. Why one day she can be so guai and the next day, she is like a monster?
I really dun have an answer to this behaviour yet. Mayb if i attend some parenthood conference one day, i may know.  

I am quick to lose patience and usually the first to holler a command at Faith.
"Sit down", "No jumping on the bed", "Come back, not so close to the TV"
In compensation, I have to remind myself to be patience. I have to remind myself that she had been cooperative before...
They are still, just angels... at this age.
So i treasure her angel-ness and cooperativeness.
Before she grews up too soon and starts to answer back at me!!

For now, seems like my appetite is coming back and I do not feel so puky anymore.
I thank God that MIL have been sensitive and helped me in certain ways. For example, asking Jiayan to carry Faith instead. Willing to help me with Faith on Saturdays as she knows I need rest.
Guilty but tired, we had to limit Faith's activities out on Saturdays to a dinner time outing. Any thoughts of sending her to extra cirriculum lessons on Saturday have diminished due to our busy schedule and physical limitations. But we try to make it a point to dine out as a family to relieve mum of cooking. Currently, we are still spending our weekends unpacking and packing at 648.
Thank God for mummy, cos she cooked me superbly nice black chicken soup on Sunday.
Julian is the one that needs reminding. See, even he is gung-ho this time.
I think need to wait till my tummy is bigger than he will be reminded again.

Shall update again next time!

Happy mid-week, peeps!
Love, me.

Currently feeling: Gray

icecreamgal

My girl is now a mischevious 1 year and 9 months old toddler today!
When at home, she likes to sing, likes to get attention by doing 'funny' things (run around, climb, crawl), then purposely fall down then laughs at herself.  We caught her humming to herself a few times too. I bet that's from me - cos i hum her to sleep at night. (when i forget the lyrics)

She can call 'mama' in a very sweet voice - that melts me.
In the morning, when she wakes, she will talk to herself (or play by herself) for a while in her cot before standing up to get my attention.
She also knows how to whisper, for if she knows we are sleeping, she will say very softly "Papa shui jiao"...
So far, she has been a sweet, but naughty girl.
She loves Barneys song - she likes to watch songs and clips from youtube on iphones and ipad! (<-- But we try to minimise her time with these gadgets)
She loves commercials as well. And when her favourite is played - her eyes would be stuck on the screen for that few minutes!

She can be a terror at mealtimes - not being able to sit still at one spot for her meals.
Therefore, without other options -  we had to use tv programs or ipad to keep her attention while we feed her quickly in spoonfuls.
Whenever she is bored, her first activity is to remove her socks and shoes.
So far, there were two times, Julian had to backtrack when we found that one of her shoes were missing. (Once in Phuket, recently in Tampines)
We have started to beat her. On her thighs and hands - for her misdeeds.
There were times we observed that she knows she is in the wrong but still wants to repeat the action on purpose.
And sometimes her refusal to sleep at night, even though we know she is tired and yawning away... (i hope that is not from me!!!) 
So we do not spare the rod. Both Julian and I.
Of course, we take turn to play the angel, after one of us leashes out on her.
Did i mention that she likes drawing? When she sees plain paper, she will go to the drawer and get a pen by herself. "Hua hua" she would say.
And she draws on the wrong things as well - all her storybooks already have marks of her 'masterpiece' in ballpoint ink pen. And unfortuntely, one of our bedsheets were not spared too.

It has been a journey since her 1st birthday. We found her to be smart (yes i did pray for a street-smart baby!). She can recognise some chinese poems and also 'San zi jing" taught by my MIL.
She learns fast - for she can continue when we purposely leave out blanks for her to fill in songs, words etc. 
For a while, i cannot believe Faith is growing up so fast.
And by this time, i have already lossen my reins and 'expectations' by a lot, and trust God to guide her towards where He will lead her.
But at times, im glad Faith is growing. For she needs to be up and ready to play the role of a older sister soon - by April 2012.

A new journey shall begin soon. And it happens within me first..
Finally we got to meet Dr Heng again on 10th Sept, last Sat! She looks younger, as always. She dons a short straight hair. And we can never miss that cheerful smile & deep dimples of hers.
It was an early Sat morning, with Julian and Faith in tow. We went to buy McD's breakkie and dabao over because we know that gynae appt's are never short ones. So it was true. But we were cheerfully waiting as the clinics were not that packed yet. Faith was roaming about easily in the waiting area.

We were brought into her room, the familar settings. Sat down and told her the dates and she calculated that BB is 10weeks 2 days old (by calculation). As compared to my first visit, where i went in with my notebook (as if i was ready to interview her) and got teased. This time, i just keyed in my information into my iphone Notes app.  We even got a family pic with Dr Heng this time before we left.
Then we went to the bed and i laid down - for the moment i was waiting for!!
I saw the baby foetus, in my womb! Praise the Lord! I even saw that she was developing limbs!
The scan showed that baby was 9 weeks and 5 days, based on measurement. We even got to hear her heartbeat. And with the cost of this 80 bucks (for the scan only), it brought me great relief.
There are certain things which i will not believe until i see it with my own eyes..... Of course, i have to admit during the time i tested positive till now - it was because I did not have enough faith.
The motherhood forum did not helped, because i read many 'losses' in there, complications etc..
There were long trying times of doubts, uncertainties in the future especially because unlike for Faith, this pregnancy was not planned for.
After this visit, there seems to be more light in the tunnel and we could be more prepared when we (Jul and me) talked or discussed about the future...

I have already told Jul that he is free to inform MIL anytime about the pregnancy and i will inform mum this Sunday when i see her. I can imagine her smile! =)
But I still want to hold on to this secret from my colleagues and company until 3 months is up.
I am sure they are going to be surprised..... because I've had ever shared with them that Julian felt fearful to have a 2nd kid after Faith and we may not plan to have a 2nd one so soon. And tar-dah..... i became to be the one pregnant now! haha... So this part - i think i will have lotsa chance to deal with this later on...
Sure kenna suan one....
Especially tis time so low profile...
(I am actually thinking of waiting to see if anyone should suspect first.... keke)

So we continue to work forward for the new home we have in 648.
It is yet completed but sofa would be delivered this weekend. And i can't wait to see how it would look!
I have never had a black sofa before.
The house is a blessing. There are a lot of things i have never owned before.
Like my own fridge, my own washing machine.... my own oven!
Woo...
It is exciting and i hope by end Sept we will be able to move in completely and start our new lives there!
Like no more loud coughs from FIL at night, no more nagging from MIL when i bathe too late at night....but i guess, no running away from her dinner (since its included), but at least, if i wanna have roast duck meat, i can dabao back to my home to eat!! Hurray...

So there is a lot more to thank God for...
One thing firm is: I have dropped the idea of being a SAHM. I have sort of admit to the fact that i may not make this role very well. If all goes well, we should get a maid to help out after 2nd child arrives.
All in the comfort of our 648. And both of us continue working for the sake of more dough... (well...)

And i commit all the rest of my life plans to GOD again - For HE is Worthy and HE knows the plans for me.
Certainly this child may not have been in our books, but i have to Trust God that HE has a time for everything and His plans are best for me.

Amen!

God Bless you all!

Love, Me  =)

Currently listening to: symphony 92.4
Currently reading: emails
Currently watching: Time to go home!
Currently feeling: Hungry

icecreamgal

Apparently its no secret.
Julian have started blurting out the "news". What the...

And poor me, had to try to keep it to myself, even from my own mum.

Last week was to Weehow, this week (just yesterday infront of me!) Vincent "Ah Lim".
One more - Justin, his colleague. (he said cos this guy was also expecting a baby soon)
and maybe a few more whom i dunno!
Crazy!!
I guess this show he must be very happy for himself.
I should start to congratulate him too!

I forgave him for disclosing to xiaogu last Sat. He explained that he told her because he did not want xiaogu to ask me to do too strenuous stuffs for our house cleaning last Sat. But he told her not to tell anybody. That night, we went to grandma's house for curry dinner.

In fact, I was more happy for Vincent & Dina for they are finally expecting their first child. Dina is apparently in her 5th month. Found out when she shared over fb that she cannot eat the yummy sashimi.

Oh, before i forgot. Adelena knew too. She caught me at the SMH forum and told me her surprise as well. Great.
I wasnt so looking forward due to her kiasu-nature. But what to do?

But compared to them, I am the one who was still in denial.
Positive, but still worrying.
Factual, but still dreaming it was not true.
Could it have been later? Is the timing correct?
Guess it stemed from the uncertainity at home and at work.
How to cope and how to handover etc.
My Faith, Faith, Faith....

And most importantly the changes we are about to face on our lives.

Nevertheless, i still want to Thank God for Julian.
Who is willing to face this and brace through with change with me.
Anyway it was his fault first, isn't it? humph!

Suddenly, i can't wait for 10th September to come and let this 'news' sink into me - officially.

Currently listening to: A quiet office
Currently reading: emails
Currently watching: blank
Currently feeling: Hungry